Self-coaching: small blue fist

When I coach myself, I write out the conversation between the coach part of me and the coachee part of me in my journal. What follows is a particularly powerful self-coaching session. I’ve noticed more enjoyment of my body and how it moves since I coached myself.

What would you like to have happen?

I’d like to feel okay.

And then what happens?

Then I flow into whatever I’d like to do.

What kind of flow?

Nothing is an effort. Breaks arise naturally. I get things done without trying. But I’m tired. I have a grief lump in my chest.

Does it have a size or a shape?

Like a small, blue fist clenched really hard and I want to prise the fingers open so I can see what’s inside but I can’t.

And how old could Small Blue Fist be?


And what would Small Blue Fist like to have happen?

To have someone kind place their hand around Small Blue Fist.

And who could that someone be?

Me. But I don’t want to. Small Blue Fist looks cold and I’m scared. It might make me cold and frozen.

And when you’re scared and Small Blue Fist wants you to place your hand around, what could happen?

I could touch Small Blue Fist with one finger. Feels rock-like actually. I can put my hand on… It’s thawing… There’s a pink hand underneath. The rock is falling away [I begin to cry at this point]. I’m holding her hand. Just a hand and part of an arm. She’s holding my finger and her hand is like a baby’s hand. She’s wearing a silver bracelet. A Christening bracelet. She’s a whole baby now and she’s wearing a Christening gown. She has sparkly blue eyes. They twinkle with easy laughter. She is not weighed down by belief or dogma even though she’s wearing those things that have been put on her. She is free. She can chew her mum’s knuckles with her gums.

Anything else about that baby?

She’s not dead. She’s beautiful! Stunningly beautiful. Those eyes! Full of life and spirit. I love her.

And anything else about that free?

She could see.

What do you know now about all of that?

I’m stunned at the release I felt when I cried when the rock thawed. And I’m intrigued as to how the rock came to be aged seven. Did it happen quickly or over time? My grief has been cried so that feeling in my chest has gone. Focusing on and inquiring into these things is incredibly powerful.

And what difference does knowing that make?

I have a sense of the twinkly eyed baby that I was.

And what difference does that make?

It makes me feel warmth for myself as a baby.

And what difference does that make?

I need it to face the horrors of the world.

And what difference does that make?

I don’t have quite enough of it right now.

And what difference does that make?

I can cultivate it.

In this self-coaching session I used Clean Language questions, which allowed me to associate my feeling of grief with a metaphor. Metaphors can be very powerful to work with. I often use Clean Language with my coaching clients. If you’d like to try a coaching session with me, contact me and we can set up a ‘try before you buy’ session.

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