Is it safer to fit in or stand out?

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Do you want to be different or do you want to fit in?

When I was a teenager, with undiagnosed AuDHD and cPTSD, I desperately wanted to fit in, be accepted, be loved for who I was. I also wanted to express myself through what I wore and I had all kinds of ideas of the outfits I would put together to give space to this self-expression, but I didn’t let myself. I couldn’t. The need to fit in, not be ridiculed, and the desire to feel safe were stronger than the courage needed to stand out and be different.

photo shows a caterpillar with orange and yellow fur sticking on a green leaf
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Instead of Presents This Christmas, How About Presence for Christmas?

To not conform to social expectation and norms can generate a profound sense of isolation and alienation

Rebecca Greenslade (2018)
Drawing of Christmas Tree by Julia Fry. Watercolour pencils on paper.

Not Conforming to Social Norms Can Also Feel Free and Refreshing

The first year (2009) I didn’t buy Christmas presents for friends and family it felt kind of Grinch-like, but also refreshing. I was free from the expectation that had been laid on me by my ancestors. The funny thing was my Grandma hated Christmas but continued to buy presents, decorate a tree and cook incredibly large amounts of food for the festivities. When I asked her why she did it, she grimaced and said something about just getting on with it. Yes, social norms can be incredibly powerful but I wasn’t with my family that first year, so I rejoiced in my new found freedom. I had more time and energy without the worry of what to get for each person.

Continue reading “Instead of Presents This Christmas, How About Presence for Christmas?”