Emotional Flashbacks Don’t Have to be Destabilising

Mauve Daisies 2020, photograph

I had an emotional flashback on Monday. I had a deadline for an expression of interest for an art project yesterday. I feel wiped out today. An emotional flashback results in my body going into shock. There are no visual memories, which is why I sometimes find it confusing to understand – seeing is believing, right? It is purely a bodily reaction to a past trauma. My extremities go very pale and I shiver. It’s when I start shivering that I think, ‘wait, what’s going on?’ 

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Is Pain Part of Creativity?

Despair, 16 x 16 cm, pigment pen and colour pencils on paper

Is pain part of creativity? It seems to be for me. Often, I begin creating a piece of art because I’m in psychological pain and it can transform that pain into healing. The drawing above began on the anniversary of my father’s suicide. Despair was what I was feeling and, somehow, I was able to tap into that feeling and watch it take shape on paper. By externalising it and writing in my journal about it, I could understand it more. I wrote a blog post about the beginning of this process.

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Connection versus Despair and the Winner is… Connection

Drawing despair – work in progress – pigment pen on paper

The Pain of Remembrance

The day before yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel and go back to Brighton; back to my cosy flat where I don’t have to plan where I’m going to sleep, or shower, or get water from (I’m living in my van for a couple of weeks whilst visiting university in person). It got too hard, especially when Boris Johnson announced new Covid-related restrictions. As I sat in the university library trying to work out how the new restrictions would affect me, I felt horribly alone.

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Lonely Teenage Part Discovered Whilst Painting Dots

I tapped into a teenage part of me whilst painting dots. I was feeling lonely. One of the things I love about painting is the meditative aspect. I can sit and be aware of thoughts, feelings and sensations without the need to act on them because I’ve dedicated myself to the task of painting dots. I first became aware of this choice in relation to thoughts when I painted Constellation in 2009. It was a revelation! I don’t have to act out every thought and impulse!

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Square Dots #1: sexism and dinero

Square Dots #1
Acrylic on canvas
12 x 12 in
POA

If you would like to know the price of Square Dots #1 contact meIf that statement makes you nervous, there’s no pressure to buy. Do feel free to ask me questions about my work. Read on for insights into my painting process…

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Self-coaching: small blue fist

When I coach myself, I write out the conversation between the coach part of me and the coachee part of me in my journal. What follows is a particularly powerful self-coaching session. I’ve noticed more enjoyment of my body and how it moves since I coached myself.

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Square Dots #1

Square Dots #1 (2020)
Acrylic on canvas
12 x 12 in
POA

If you would like to know the price of Square Dots #1, contact me. If that statement makes you nervous, there’s no pressure to buy. Do feel free to ask me questions about my work.

Continue reading “Square Dots #1”